


Herself

by luckyferrero



Category: Bloodbound (Visual Novels), Choices: Stories You Play
Genre: Angst, Brief Mention of Violence, F/M, Human/Vampire Relationship, Morning, Night, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Paris - Freeform, Plane Ride, Prague, brief mention of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25449862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckyferrero/pseuds/luckyferrero
Summary: On the way to Prague, Katrina's mind was in chaos, and she felt conflicted...about Adrian...about Serafine...about herself.
Relationships: Adrian Raines/Katrina Carson, Adrian Raines/Main Character (Bloodbound), Adrian Raines/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	Herself

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was my very first BB fic, so please bear with me! Regardless, I'm really excited to share it here!
> 
> This is set between Chapters 9 and 10 of Bloodbound 2, after Adrian, Jax, and MC left Paris.

It was the longest two hours of their lives. Well, at least for Katrina. They had just left Paris after the massacre in Serafine’s club, and as expected, no one spoke a word. Katrina drowned the silence that occupied Adrian’s private jet with some songs from The Swell Season, blasting them through the earphones she brought along from New York. She thought the mellowness of the songs was a perfect fit for the moment, and she wasn’t interested in lightening her mood with a Top 40 pop song. She looked at the two men who kept her company. Jax was by the mini bar, pounding a couple of shots in an attempt to ease himself. It wasn’t a very successful attempt. Adrian sat on one of the leather seats, emptily looking out at the clouds below the aircraft. He kept fidgeting with his hands, gently rubbing the back of his hands or his neck, and it was clear that whatever was on his mind was creeping upon him.

Katrina closed her eyes. She tried her best to concentrate on the song she was listening to, trying her best to keep the memories of Paris out of her mind, but she couldn’t. Everything replayed in her mind like a film, from the moment they stepped into the Parisian apartment to the moment she ended the call with Lily and Kamilah. It was burning in her mind, scratching itself onto the crevices of her brain, much to her dismay. Especially Serafine’s club. Everything about her club, actually, was the highlight of this replay. Her and Adrian in the VIP room, alone together, their bodies slick against each other as they made love on one of the couches. She remembered the moment right after that, where they just held each other and laughed about how it must’ve been their “best ever.” Katrina could still feel him everywhere on her, areas that were a bit sore burned a bit while a small spark tickled her lower belly. 

Then it all shifts to him tearing through the Knights. He had the wildest look she had ever seen in his eyes, and with every threat he spoke, the more his demeanor changed. He was more irritated, more furious, more deadly. What was bothering her up to that very point was how much more of a killer he was, even more so than when he killed Vega in the outskirts of New York. When she told him that she was scared, the only thing he told her sent chills down her spine, and it was still haunting her as though it was a stain that couldn’t be cleaned out. _You should be._ She told him later on that she wasn’t fearing him, that she was fearing whatever was going on with him. But at that moment, in the plane, as she glanced at Adrian while that particular song by The Swell Season repeated itself for probably the tenth time, _she was scared of him._

\---

She didn’t have the energy to go out, not like Jax and Lily. She wanted to get some sleep, relying on that brief period of darkness where she could momentarily forget about everything. Then she remembered that she was the Bloodkeeper and how her dreams were now infested with whatever vampiric memory wanted to play itself in her mind. She sighed as she stood by the window of Kamilah’s office. The streets lamps glittered the city, bright orange lamps illuminating the gothic architecture that littered the streets. “You saw something, didn’t you?” Katrina jumped in a startle, her tiredness accentuating Kamilah’s voice like it was a firecracker popping through the silence. She turned to the vampire, who had her gaze glued to her computer screen, her fingers effortlessly tapping the keyboard. After a while, she looked up at the human. “I mean, with Adrian.” Katrina knew what she meant. “I…well, yeah…” She said, rubbing her arms as a slight chill from the air-conditioning unit prickling her skin. The two women shared a look, one that was understood by both of them. Kamilah sighed, standing up from her seat and walking towards Katrina. “I’m sorry you had to see him like that.” The human shrugged, trying to play it off as if it wasn’t bothering her, _even though it was quite evident in the contemplative look on her face._ “I talked to him about it, actually,” she said, “so we’re all good.” Kamilah knew that Katrina was lying, but she didn’t want to pry for anything more. She, after all, needed to finish her research on Dracula’s castle. So, she nodded. “Well, if you want some sleep, there’s a bedroom down the hall. Adrian’s there.” She said, and with that, she sat back down on her seat and continued on her research. Katrina thanked her, then looked out onto the city once more, before leaving the office and to the bedroom.

Adrian was still awake, though he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his grey jacket and black vest folded neatly on a chair nearby. He glanced past his shoulder when Katrina entered. A small smile bloomed on his lips. “Hey.” She smiled and greeted back as she closed the door. She walked over to his side and sat down. They shared a silence similar to the one in his jet, a deafening and ringing silence. After a while, Adrian spoke. “I can’t stop thinking about her.” As soon as those words hit her ears, Katrina felt the wind knocked out of her body. Her head spun ever so slightly, her stomach twisted itself into a sharp knot, and her cheeks warmed in a sudden heat surge. She knew what this meant, what his words made her feel. She was jealous, over a woman who was considerably more remarkable than she will ever be, over a woman who Adrian seems to care more about at the moment. Cautiously, she patted his shoulder in an attempt to comfort her boyfriend. Or whatever he was in whatever relationship they were having. At that point, Katrina wasn’t sure anymore. She thought of the right words to say, but they felt like hammers just breaking her heart into millions and millions of pieces. “We…” She hid her sigh. “We’ll get her back, Adrian.” And to top it all off, “I promise.”

She stood up, as calmly as she could, and walked herself to the bathroom. She waited until she could hear the faint _click_ on the door before finally letting herself go, succumbing to the tears that were demanding to escape her eyes. She felt everything, anger, pain, confusion, jealousy, and so much more. She tried her best to keep quiet as a few sobs echoed through the walls of the bathroom, but after a few minutes and no one came knocking on the door, she knew that she was still alone with her thoughts. It was brutal. When staying inside the bathroom for too long became suspicious, Katrina thought of continuing her crying under the shower. Lucky for her, there were a bunch of towels already hanging by the rack. She undressed, stepped into the shower, and continued sulking under the warm water for a while, thinking about how much she hated herself for feeling everything she felt. After finishing, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and swollen, but she could still see the bruises from their earlier battles taking their places on her skin, and she could still see the pain evident in her face. For the first time, in a long time, she felt alone.

After attempting to minimize the swelling in her eyes, and ultimately working with whatever was left of it, Katrina left the bathroom to find Adrian still sitting on the same spot on the bed. She tried with much nonchalance to get dressed, picking an oversized shirt and a pair of underwear from her bag, quickly changing into it before returning to the bathroom to dry her hair and brush her teeth. With the bathroom door now open, she looked at him through the mirror. His back was against the mirror as he stood up, loosening his tie, followed by unbuttoning his shirt, then his slacks. He placed them neatly on the chair, and just as he turned to face the bathroom, she looked away, avoiding his gaze as she didn’t want him to see her eyes. Little did she know, however, that Adrian knew she was staring. Once she was finished, she walked to the bed, keeping her gaze down to the floor, pretending to rub some sleep out of her eyes to not worry him about her crying. They kept quiet, not a word to each other as Katrina climbed onto the bed and as Adrian entered the bathroom. She tucked herself under the covers, her eyes closed as she tried to let the sleep settle in, her ears picking up the sounds of him getting ready for bed. For a moment there was silence, and she didn’t know what was going on, until she heard a click from him flicking the switch off, followed by the soft feeling of him joining her on the bed. She felt him wrap an arm around her waist, pulling himself closer to her before he nestled his face against her neck. A certain kind of warmth radiated from him; one she was familiar with for the six months they have spent together. But tonight, she didn’t feel comfortable with it. She recalled the cold air from Kamilah’s office prickling her skin, the artificial cool air emitted from the air-conditioning unit. Weirdly, she preferred that over him. _Anywhere but here_ , she thought. _Anywhere…_

It didn’t take too long until she found tears in her eyes, threatening to fall down her face once more. She had also noticed that her breathing was shaky and that her body trembled ever so slightly. She tried to calm herself down, taking deep breaths and counting from one to one hundred, anything to keep the man embracing her from noticing that there was something wrong. She knew that if she were to be caught, he would be relentless in trying to appease her. So, she tried to calm herself. She breathed slowly, deeply enough to stop herself from crying yet subtle enough to not wake Adrian up. She felt at war with her mind, the self-attempts were constantly matched with the thoughts of doubt, jealousy, and everything else. She felt wrong for having to be jealous of Serafine. Sure, she was one of Adrian’s ex-lovers, but she was still his friend. Now, she was also hers. _How could she be so jealous of a friend?_ She felt terrible for being terrified of Adrian, the newfound fear in whatever was burning inside him was gnawing at her. She told him, and herself, that she was going to stay with him; that she wasn’t going to leave him alone. Was she lying to him? _To herself?_ Questions settled and lingered in her mind, like the bitter taste of cough syrup. At that moment, with everything that has happened since she set foot in Raines Corp., she knew that meeting him was no mistake. They were bound to be acquainted, sooner or later, but to fall in love with each other? It was a choice; their choice. _Was I then_ , she thought, _too eager, and quick, and hasty to jump into his world without fully understanding who he was?_ All these thoughts tormented her, and she found herself stuck between the mattress and Adrian’s arm. Unable to get up. Unable to leave. 

An hour had passed by. At least for her it was an hour. It surely felt so. She was unable to drift off, much to her own surprise. Adrian had already fallen to a deep slumber, his steady breathing tickling the back of her neck. For a while, her mind went blank. No thoughts of self-assurance. No thoughts of self-loathing. Nothing, as though she had lost the ability to feel for herself. She focused on him; the sleeping figure that had his arm wrapped around her waist so protectively. She then realized how easy it was to lift his arm and leave his side. How easy it was to just get off the bed and stay in another room. She knew what it would mean for her if she was going to act on this realization; what it would mean for them. Yet, she stayed still, like a rock against a flowing river. She focused on him once more, before letting out a sigh. The pain had returned in the small aches she felt in her heart, but she wasn’t planning on complaining. _Not now_ , she thought. So, she did what she thought she could do best for the moment. Suck it up.

\---

Her own body knocked itself awake at the most unholy time of her now-nocturnal schedule: morning. 8 o'clock to be exact, as shown in the bright red light that was blinking by each second of the digital alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. Maybe because she was new to the place, despite waking up with Adrian’s arm still around her waist and his face still against her neck, a rather familiar position. It seemed as though they haven’t moved at all. As subtle as she could, she lifted his arm off of her and to his side. She slowly sat up the bed, stretching the remainder of sleep off her body, ready to get off the bed, when she felt a hand over her own. “Katrina?” She looked behind her to find Adrian stirring up. “Why are you up so early?” She forced a smile. “I’m not used to the place,” she said, “I was planning to walk around the city to tire myself out.” He nodded. He was a bit concerned, but not enough to stop his girlfriend. She leaned down at him and placed a soft and quick kiss on his cheek. “I’ll be back in an hour.” He smiled. “Alright. Take care.” He said, before kissing her forehead. With that, Katrina got off the bed, got herself ready, and left the room. 

As soon as she left the building, she felt the morning sun above her. She held her hand over her eyes. She had almost forgotten how bright sunlight was, after all the mornings she spent sleeping from all the nights she spent awake. Even then, she still squinted in the slightest sense of discomfort. It was, however, warm; quite similar to Adrian’s warmth, but different enough to let her know that she was with herself for an hour. She looked at the people around her. There was a market nearby, with old ladies leaving as they held bags of groceries and men entering with giant sacks of vegetables on their shoulders. There were tourists taking photos of the city’s architecture, while the locals were walking to their own destinations. Smiles were shared, and laughter could be heard. For the first time, in a long time, she was able to go through the day as a human. After a whole night of crying to sleep, a small smile bloomed on her lips. 

Slowly, she began to understand. It had been six months since she learned about the vampire world; since she decided to stay in it, _to stay with him_. She knew that she had to take a nosedive into this unknown world if she wanted to stay and that if she did, she was past the point of no return. But it was only at that very moment, where the morning sun was shining above her, where she had only herself, that she understood. That despite now living in this world of night, she still had the choice to also live in the day. She had devoted so much of herself to the others that she forgot she was still there. In the quest to find herself, she had forgotten her _self_. The self that regarded her as a person, not as a Bloodkeeper.

She was diving head-first, indeed, but it wasn’t just into the vampire world. It was into Adrian’s life as well. When she decided to stay with him, she knew that she had also decided to stay with the entirety of him. _Who he was, who he is now, and who he will be._ With what had happened for the past few days, she had every reason to leave him; to finish this journey without the sheer want of going back to New York and spending the night in his arms; to spend the rest of her human life finding someone else who could share the joy of morning walks and watching sunsets. The thoughts were there. Yet, they weren’t fazing her. Maybe she was too eager, and quick, and hasty to jump into his life. Maybe she truly was, she didn’t know. But she knew that whatever it was, may it be love or compassion or care, it was good enough to make her stay. She had promised to stay with him, despite everything that would convince her otherwise, _because she could._ Because she wanted to.

She wasn’t going to lie, the bitter feeling was still there, and she could feel the pain it brought tingle from the top of her head to the tips of her fingers and toes. But she was fine with it. She started walking. She didn’t know where she was heading, as always. For the past six months, she was lost anyway. Never really herself, or at the very least with herself. But at the moment, with the sun above her, its warmth embracing her in the right places, she was alone. All by herself. And she didn’t mind. She was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Hopefully, you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing this!


End file.
